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CSAFlag
Christian States of America

OTL equivalent: AL, AR, GA, FL, IN, KS, KY, LA, MS, MO, NE, NC, OK, SC, TN, TX, WV
Motto: 
God Hates Fags (Official)
CapitalPensacola
Largest city Houston
Demonym Christian American
Currency CSA dollar

PLEASE NOTE Edit

We do NOT support religious rule, racism or violence. This scenario is only satire. Pensacola Christian College has NO association with Westboro Baptist Church. None of the statements listed below are meant to be taken seriously!

Parody Edit

The rules and government of the Christian States of America are a parody of the following:

  • The beliefs and writings of Michael Pearl
  • The beliefs of Steven Anderson
  • The beliefs of Roger Jimenez
  • The rules at Pensacola Christian College (Arlin Horton Era: 1970s-2012)
    • Does not include the beliefs of the current president, although he is part of the CSA cabinet.
  • The rules at Bob Jones University
  • The rules at Hyles-Anderson College
  • The rules at Liberty University
  • The beliefs of the Independent Fundamental Baptist denomination
  • The beliefs of Westboro Baptist Church, Fred Phelps and Shirley Phelps-Roper
  • The beliefs of the Ku Klux Klan
  • The beliefs of Bryan Fischer
  • The beliefs of Ann Coulter
  • The beliefs of Fox News
  • The beliefs of Conservapedia
  • The beliefs of White Supremacist Richard Spencer
  • The beliefs of Donald Trump and his cabinet (in the real world)
  • The beliefs of the Republican Party
  • The beliefs of the Constitution Party
  • The beliefs of the German Nazi Party
  • The beliefs of Kim Jong Un
  • The beliefs of Sharia Law
  • The beliefs of the Values Voter Summit
  • The beliefs of the Concerned Women for America
  • The beliefs of Focus on the Family

GovernmentEdit

Religion Independent Fundamental Baptist
Independence March 21, 2021
Largest Ethnic Group White
Language English
Anthem Amazing Grace
Motto God Hates Fags (Official)
Governing Body Federal Christian Republic
Population 146.2 Million (2021)
President Arlin Horton
Vice-President Shirley Phelps-Roper

Background Edit

The Christian States of America was founded in 2021 by Christian Totalitarian Party leader Arlin Horton and running-mate Shirley Phelps-Roper, after defeating both Mike Pence and Elizabeth Warren in the 2020 US Presidential Election. Horton enacted his ultimate plan immediately, creating the CSA by separating half of America from the "Liberal sodomites of the Blue States". The CSA would ultimately consist of Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Florida, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas and West Virginia. 2020 third-place finisher Mike Pence, Ben Shapiro as well as Texas Senator Ted Cruz were strong supporters of the new country, helping it achieve independence on March 21, 2021. The newly-established capital of the CSA was Pensacola, Florida. The capitol building resided on the campus of Pensacola Christian College.

CSA Presidential Cabinet 2021 Edit

Position Name Known For
President Arlin Horton Founder/Former President of Pensacola Christian College
Vice-President Shirley Phelps-Roper Co-Leader of Westboro Baptist Church
Speaker of the House James Dobson Founder of "Focus on the Family"
Pro Tempore of Senate Pat Robertson Founder of the "Christian Coalition"/TV Host
Secretary of State Bryan Fischer Major figure in Holocaust denial
Secretary of Treasury Mike Pence President from 2019-2021
Secretary of Defense Roger Jimenez Pastor of Verity Baptist Church
Attorney General Steven Anderson Pastor of Faithful Word Baptist Church
Secretary of the Interior Joel Osteen Evangelical preacher
Secretary of Agriculture Phil Robertson Main role in Duck Dynasty
Secretary of Commerce Micah Armstrong College campus street preacher
Secretary of Labor Michael Pearl Fundamentalist pastor/Author of To Train Up a Child
Heath/Human Services Ben Carson Conservative Doctor and Surgeon
Secretary of Transportation Tim Tebow Professional football and baseball player/Evangelist
Secretary of Energy Marty Marriott President of Maranatha Baptist University
Secretary of Education Jerry Falwell Jr. President of Liberty University
Veterans Affairs Troy Shoemaker Current President of Pensacola Christian College
Homeland Security Ann Coulter Conservative commentator
Christian S.W.A.T. Head Steve Pettit President of Bob Jones University
President of Beheadings Richard Spencer White Supremacist
President of Flogging Roy Moore Alabama politician and White Supremacist

*The CSA does not have a Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

Constitution Edit

US Constitution CSA Constitution
There are two senators per state with six-year term and serves without term limits. There are four senators per state with eight-year term and may seek re-election once.
Representatives are elected to a two-year term and serves without term limits. Representatives are elected to a four-year term and may seek re-election three times.
The president is elected for a term of four-years and serves without term limits. The president is elected for a term of ten years and has unlimited terms.
The Government shall establish no religion The Government shall establish Independent Fundamental Baptism as the main religion, and only legal religion.

Religion Edit

  • The only legal religion in the CSA is Independent Fundamental Baptism. It is to be worshiped by ALL citizens.
  • Citizens are zoned to churches (of which they must attend). They must be in attendance at ALL services during the week. Job conflicts are NOT an excuse to miss a service.
    • Attendance is to be turned in using Driver Licenses.
    • A $500 fine and/or three hours of community service will be assessed for each missed church service.
  • After each service, citizens are required to take a 25-question multiple choice quiz.
    • A "pass" is a 60% or above (At least 15 of the 25 answered correctly).
    • If a citizens fails a test, they will receive 100 lashes for each failed quiz the following Sunday.
  • All citizens aged ten and older are to pray at least three times a day. They shall record the prayer on a video camera and send (or E-Mail) it to the CSA Government.
  • Bible lessons are to be conducted at least three times per week not including Sunday in households of two or more people. Packets must be filled out explaining the verses recited as well as the duration of the Bible study.
  • On the third full week of March, all churches are required to hold an Annual Bible Conference. This is the week of what was formerly known as "Spring Break" for students. All patrons are required to attend the Bible Conference conducted by their zoned church.
    • The Bible Conference duration shall last from Monday until Friday, with three separate two-hour sessions per day.
    • Patrons are required to be in their designated church seats at least five (5) minutes before each session.
    • Any patron who misses a session, or who is late to a session, will be sentenced to 500 lashes per tardy/absence.
    • A 25-question multiple choice quiz having to do with the church service will be given out to attendees at the conclusion of that day's final session.
    • Those who fail to get at least 15 of the 25 question correct will receive 250 lashes.
  • The King James Bible is the only legal Bible version.

Education Edit

  • Bible study is mandatory in all public and private schools for grades K-12. It is also mandatory for ALL colleges.
  • All colleges and universities must contain a chapel. They also must contain the same rules as Pensacola Christian College.
  • For grades K-12, classes must be separated by gender. Boys must be in one class and girls in another.
  • For all colleges and universities, classes must be separated by gender.
  • Women are NOT allowed to teach in ANY classroom.
  • Fire Exit Drills are to be conducted at least twice (2x) per semester for K-12 institutions. At least one (1) shall be conducted per semester at colleges and universities.
    • When the fire alarm sounds, students are to evacuate the premises and gather at their designated muster areas.
      • Gathering areas are separated by gender.
    • Women are to be fully-dressed in either skirts or dresses before evacuating their dorm room, whether it be a drill or real fire emergency.
      • Women who are not modestly-dressed will be asked to return to the building to change, whether it be a drill or real fire emergency.
    • Men only need to put on a shirt and shorts/pants before evacuating.
  • On-Campus college students are not required to attend the same Bible Conference as their parents.
    • However, they are required to attend the Bible Conference at their college or university.
  • Women are required to wear uniforms from K-12. Any woman enrolled in college also must wear a uniform.
    • The uniform shall consist of:
      • A blue or black jumper covering the ankles.
      • Long-sleeved shirt
      • Black or blue shoes
      • Headscarf
    • No makeup is allowed.
  • Men are not required to wear a uniform, but they must dress "Business-friendly".

Entertainment and Media Edit

  • Movies above the G-Rating are not allowed
  • Only four TV channels are to exist: Fox News, the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN), the Westboro Cable Access Television (WCAT) and the Christian Sports Network (CSN).
  • Citizens are required to attend a Christian concert, Christian Fine Arts event or Christian musical performance once a month.
    • Sometimes, a zoned-church may hold a Fine Arts Event or Christian Concert.
      • Citizens are required to attend all of these events.
      • In the auditorium where the Fine Arts Event is held, seating must be segregated by gender.
  • All music is banned except for Traditional Hymns.
    • Earphones and headphones are illegal.
    • Those who were (in any time of their life) associated with a Rock band or Rap, will be arrested and sentenced to life in prison.
  • Video games permitted in the CSA must meet all of the following qualifications:
    • They must be rated "E".
    • AND they must promote Christianity in a positive manner.
  • Movie Theaters are banned.
  • All TV commercials MUST promote Christianity.
  • Any Internet website not having to do with positive Christianity are banned.
    • YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest are all banned.
    • Wikipedia is also banned. Conservapedia shall take its place.
  • Use of the Internet is prohibited after 11:15 PM.
    • Internet providers will shut off access at 11:16 PM until 6:00 AM the next morning.
  • The following buildings and facilities MUST have elevators and/or stairs segregated by gender (male set of stairs/elevators & female set of stairs):
    • Schools, colleges and universities.
    • Shopping Malls
    • Churches (if more than one story)
    • Office buildings
    • Airports
    • Other buildings with more than one floor.
      • In other words, males are only permitted to use the male set of stairs and females are only permitted to use the female set of stairs.
      • Even in emergency situations, males and females must use the stairwells assigned to their gender.
      • However, if the female is under eight years of age, she may use the male stairwell (accompanied by their father) for safety reasons.

Holidays Edit

Thanksgiving Edit

  • Thanksgiving takes place on the same day as the United States of America.
    • On Thanksgiving Day, churches are required to hold a Thanksgiving Service, Staff vs. Staff Turkey Bowl and Thanksgiving Dinner.
      • The Thanksgiving Service shall begin at 1:00 PM and shall conclude at 2:30 PM. The after-church quiz shall last until 3:15 PM.
      • The Turkey Bowl shall last from 4:00 PM until 6:00 PM.
        • The Turkey Bowl is a soccer match between male church staff members.
        • All citizens are required to attend the Turkey Bowl.
        • Bleachers are separated by gender, and are on both sides of the field.
      • The Thanksgiving Dinner lasts from 6:15 PM until 8:30 PM. All citizens are required to attend the Thanksgiving Dinner.
        • The men and women are separated during the dinner, with the men having their own room and women another.
      • After the Thanksgiving Dinner, any citizen who failed the after-church quiz will report for public flogging. Those who failed the quiz will be notified during Thanksgiving Dinner.
  • If the citizen's zoned-church has a planned-Fine Arts event after Thanksgiving Dinner, they are required to attend.
  • Students residing on a college campus are NOT allowed to come home for Thanksgiving.
    • On-Campus students shall participate in EVERY activity and church service planned by the college.
      • Failure to attend a Thanksgiving event or Thanksgiving Dinner will result in public flogging.
    • Thanksgiving dinner for On-Campus students shall be at the college, separated by gender.

National "Assault a Sodomite" Day Edit

  • National "Assault a Sodomite" Day is every July 4.
  • This holiday was established by Attorney General Steven Anderson as well as President Arlin Horton.
    • On this day, citizens are free to check into prisons to beat up, assault or even kill those in the "Sodomite Ward".

Independence Day Edit

  • Independence Day is every March 21, the day the CSA was separated from the USA.
    • Citizens are required to attend ALL events organized by their zoned-church.
    • Dress Codes for both genders are the same as Thanksgiving.

National "Assault a Rock Star" Day Edit

  • National "Assault a Rock Star" Day is every July 20.
  • This holiday was established by Secretary of Commerce "Brother Micah" Armstrong.
I established this holiday because I believe those who were associated with Rock and Roll and those who listen to it will go to Hell. On July 20, 2017 I celebrated the death of Linkin Park singer Chester Bennington with my parishioners.

–"Brother Micah" Armstrong

  • On this day, citizens are free to check into prisons to beat up, assault or even kill those in the "Rock and Roll Cocksuckers Ward".

Graduation Day Edit

  • Graduation Day takes place on the third Friday of every May.
  • This is the day when graduates from Middle School, High School and College are recognized.
    • Graduation ceremonies for any middle school, high school or college take place at the nearest church.
    • Citizens are required to attend ALL graduation ceremonies at their zoned-church.
    • Formal Dress is required for both men and women.

Christmas Edit

  • Christmas is on December 25.
    • Citizens are required to attend the Christmas Eve Candlelight Service at their zoned-churches on December 24. The time for the service will be posted on the church's website.
      • Formal Dress is required for this service.
    • Citizens are also required to attend the Christmas Day Service on Christmas Day.
      • Formal Dress is required for both men and women.
      • An after-church quiz will be handed out to all parishioners at the conclusion of the service.
        • Those who do not make at least a 60% on the quiz will be given the same punishment for failing a Bible Conference Quiz.

Easter Edit

  • The date Easter Sunday falls on varies per year, but it is always either in March or April.
    • Citizens are required to attend all Easter Sunday Services conducted by their zoned-church.
      • Formal Dress is required for both men and women.
      • An after-church quiz will be handed out to all parishioners at the conclusion of the final service.
        • Those who do not make at least a 60% on the quiz will be given the same punishment for failing a Christmas Service or Bible Conference Quiz.

Family Values Edit

  • Men (husbands and fathers) have FULL authority over women.
  • Wives are to be submissive to their husbands at ALL times.
    • Husbands are allowed to tell their Representative of Floggings to "flog" his wife if she is not submissive.
    • Women may only pursue an education beyond high school if they get signed permission from their husband or father.
  • Homosexuality is illegal and punishable by life in prison.
  • Acceptance of homosexuality will result in a $10,000 fine and 15,000 lashes.
  • Same-sex marriage is illegal and punishable by death.
  • In order to keep all CSA citizens 'in check', hidden cameras are placed around EVERY household to monitor behavior.
  • Sex before marriage is illegal and is punishable by life in prison.
  • Women outside the house and in public must be accompanied by their husbands. Any woman caught alone in public will be sentenced to public flogging.
  • Women aged 18 and up are not allowed to read novels or fiction.
    • The only content they are allowed to read are The King James Bible, To Train Up A Child, other Christian Fundamentalist parenting books, books on how to perform housekeeping or books on how to be a good Christian housewife.
  • All engaged couples must attend a Christian marriage counseling class.
  • A women who becomes pregnant must (with her husband) attend a Christian parenting class. The book To Train Up a Child by Michael Pearl will be heavily emphasized in these classes.
  • Women are allowed to work, but their job must be approved by their husband or father. They may only make $7.25 an hour or less.
  • Women are required to wear a skirt or dress at all times. Failure to do so will result in public flogging.
    • Sleeves are required at all times for women.
      • Men are not required to wear sleeves for recreation.
    • Women are NOT allowed to swim.
    • Women are NOT allowed to wear shorts or pants.
  • Men's hair length is not to reach below the collar.
    • Men are not allowed to have beards, mustaches or facial hair.
  • Teens and young couples under the age of 26 who wish to date must submit their plea to their representative.
    • In the plea, they must submit their plans, where they go on the date and how long they will be out.
    • A signature by a parent or legal guardian is required for couples containing a member aged 25 or under.
    • Couples with a member aged 25 or under must contain a third-party chaperone.
      • The chaperone must be 18 years of age or older.
  • Child abuse is legal as long at it is done "in the name of Christianity" and followed the principles of To Train Up a Child.
  • Women are not allowed to use birth control.
    • Use of birth control is punishable by life in prison, a fine and flogging.

General Laws and Policies Edit

  • Immigration, legal and illegal, prohibited.
  • English is the only legal language in the Christian States of America.
    • Those who do not speak English will receive 1,000 lashes followed by mandatory deportation.
  • Witchcraft is illegal and punishable by death (beheading).
  • Any citizen who has ever in their life been convicted of a felony charge (regardless of the offense or how long ago it was) will be re-incarcerated and spend the remainder of their lives in prison.
    • Anybody currently in prison (not jail) will be re-sentenced to life in prison (regardless of the offense).
    • These rules do not apply for people who have only been convicted of misdemeanors.
  • Although elections are held, all men must vote for a Conservative candidate.
    • All men are eligible to vote if:
      • They are 18 years of age or older
      • They have no prior criminal record (Misdemeanors or Felonies)
    • Women are not allowed to vote.
  • The shooting/killing/murdering of LGBT people is legal.
  • Alcohol is illegal and punishable by life in prison.
  • A mandatory curfew of 11:00 PM is put in place.
    • Those found outside their homes after 11:00 PM will be arrested, fined $2,500 AND receive 250 lashes.
  • CSA citizens are not allowed to venture out of the country for vacation. This rule was put in place to make sure citizens do not escape.
    • However, special exemptions will be made by President Arlin Horton under the following conditions:
      • The vacation is for "soul-winning".
      • The traveler agrees to wear an "ankle bracelet" to ensure no CSA laws are broken while on vacation.
      • Vacations within the CSA are allowed. However, citizens must agree to attend a church of their choice at their vacation spot at least once a day.

CSA Card Scanning Edit

  • All households, apartments and college dormitories have card-scanning stations beside every door leading outside.
    • These stations are equipped with a camera
    • All citizens, before leaving their home for ANY reason, must scan their drivers license to exit. Doors will be locked inside and outside until the card is approved.
    • Citizens must also scan their drivers license when returning home.
    • If one scans their card after curfew (11:00 PM), they will be denied access to their home and the police will be notified to arrest the citizen.

Dress Code for Required Events Edit

Formal Dress (Men) Edit

  • The following men's dress code shall be established for Bible Conferences, Christmas Candlelight Services, Easter Sunday Services, Christian Fine Arts Events and Graduation Services:
    • A black tuxedo.
      • Sports coats are not allowed for citizens over age 12.
    • A Black or blue bowtie.
    • Matching black pants, neatly pressed.
    • Men must wear a belt or suspenders.
    • Hair must be neatly trimmed and combed back.
    • Black, polished shoes are to be worn

Formal Dress (Women) Edit

  • The following women's dress code shall be established for Bible Conferences, Christmas Candlelight Services, Easter Sunday Services, Christian Fine Arts Events and Graduation Services:
    • Note: Women MUST dress modestly and clothing MUST be approved by their husband or father.
    • Ball-gown-style (floor-length) dresses are required.
      • They must be of 1/4 sleeves or longer. Sleeveless or strapless wear will result in public flogging.
    • White or black heels.
    • Women must wear a headscarf.

Church Dress (Men) Edit

  • The following men's dress code shall be established for Regular Church Services:
    • Semi-Formal suit or sports jacket.
      • Single-colored tie.
    • Brown or black loafers.
    • A belt or suspenders are to be worn under the suit or jacket.
    • Long-sleeved white collared-shirt.
    • No baseball-style caps.

Church Dress (Women) Edit

  • The following women's dress code shall be established for Regular Church Service:
    • Sundress or blouse with skirt.
      • No sleeveless garments.
      • Skirts and dresses must be 3/4 length or longer.
    • Semi-formal footwear.

Thanksgiving Dress (Women) Edit

  • The following women's dress code shall be established for Thanksgiving Dinner, Thanksgiving Service and for the Turkey Bowl:
    • Long skirts or dresses (must be of primary or secondary color)
    • Plain blouses (must be of primary or secondary color)
    • Women are required to wear head-coverings during the Thanksgiving Dinner, but are not required to do so for the Turkey Bowl.
    • The Women's Thanksgiving Dinner shall be in a separate room from the Men's Thanksgiving Dinner.

Thanksgiving Dress (Men) Edit

  • The following men's dress code shall be established for Thanksgiving Dinner, Thanksgiving Service and for the Turkey Bowl:
    • Dark-blue or black suit.
    • Primary or secondary-colored tie.
    • Black pants
    • Brown or black dress shoes.
    • The Men's Thanksgiving Dinner shall be in a separate room from the Women's Thanksgiving Dinner.

Sports and Athletics Policies Edit

  • The Lord's Prayer shall be recited before every sporting event (whether it be grade school, high school, club leagues, collegiate, amateur, semi-pro or professional).
    • The CSA National Anthem (Amazing Grace) shall follow. Players, referees and spectators MUST stand.
      • Those who do not recite The Lord's Prayer shall be ejected from the venue and sentenced to 400 lashes.
      • Those who do not stand and respect the National Anthem will be executed.
  • If an athlete's zoned-church has a scheduled service taking place during a scheduled game, they will not be allowed to participate in the sporting event, for they are required to attend church.
    • If half or more of the athletes on a team have a church service scheduled during an upcoming game, the game shall be postponed and rescheduled.
  • If a game goes into "overtime" or "extra innings" The Lord's Prayer shall be recited again.
  • Games must conclude by 10:25 PM, for national curfew is at 11:00 PM.
  • Women who play in organized sporting events are required to "cover up" from head to toe. They must wear a face cover, headwear, long sleeves and a long skirt.
    • Men are not allowed to go to women's sporting events unless they are a father, family member or husband of the female athlete.
  • The following professional baseball teams shall be removed from the MLB; for they are located in the CSA:
    • Miami Marlins
    • Tampa Bay Rays
    • Texas Rangers
    • Houston Astros
    • Atlanta Braves
    • St. Louis Cardinals
    • Kansas City Royals
      • These teams will become part of the CBL (Christian Baseball League)
      • The following CSA teams will join the seven cities above to form the CBL: El Paso Chihuahuas, San Antonio Missions, New Orleans Zephyrs, Jackson Generals, Birmingham Barons, Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp, Pensacola Blue Wahoos, Savannah Bananas, Memphis Redbirds, Nashville Sounds, Tennessee Smokies, Durham Bulls, Charlotte Knights, Greensboro Grasshoppers, Oklahoma City Dodgers, Wichita Wingnuts, Indianapolis Indians, Louisville Bats, Arkansas Travelers and Tulsa Drillers.
      • The replacement teams for the seven eliminated MLB teams will be the Portland (OR) Pickles, Hartford Yard Goats, Columbus (OH) Clippers, Buffalo Bison, Montreal Expos, Las Vegas 51's and the Richmond Flying Squirrels.
  • The following professional football teams shall be removed from the NFL; for they are located in the CSA:
    • Jacksonville Jaguars
    • Miami Dolphins
    • Tampa Bay Buccaneers
    • Atlanta Falcons
    • Carolina Panthers
    • Tennessee Titans
    • Dallas Cowboys
    • Houston Texans
    • Kansas City Chiefs
    • Indianapolis Colts
      • These teams will become part of the NCFL (National Christian Football League)
      • The following CSA teams will join the ten cities above to form the NCFL: San Antonio, Gulfport/Biloxi, Birmingham, Memphis, St. Louis, Raleigh, Oklahoma City, Omaha, Wichita and Louisville
      • The replacement cities for the ten eliminated NFL teams will be Portland (OR), Hartford, Columbus (OH), Toronto, Montreal, Oakland (Raiders moved to Las Vegas in 2019), San Diego (Chargers moved to Los Angeles in 2017), Milwaukee, Richmond and Quebec.
  • The following professional basketball teams shall be removed from the NBA; for they are located in the CSA:
    • San Antonio Spurs
    • Houston Rockets
    • Dallas Mavericks
    • New Orleans Pelicans
    • Miami Heat
    • Orlando Magic
    • Atlanta Hawks
    • Memphis Grizzlies
    • Charlotte Hornets
    • Indiana Pacers
    • Oklahoma City Thunder
      • These teams will become part of the ACB (Association of Christian Basketball)
      • The following CSA cities will join the twelve cities above to form the ACB: El Paso, Jackson, Birmingham, Jacksonville, Tampa, Nashville, Raleigh, St. Louis, Kansas City and Louisville
      • The replacement cities for the 11 eliminated NBA teams will be Seattle, Hartford, Richmond, Cincinnati, Columbus (OH), Pittsburgh, Manchester (NH), San Diego, Las Vegas, Montreal and Baltimore
  • The following professional hockey teams shall be removed from the NHL; for they are located in the CSA:
    • Carolina Hurricanes
    • Florida Panthers
    • Tampa Bay Lightning
    • Dallas Stars
    • Nashville Predators
    • St. Louis Blues
      • These teams will become part of the CSHL (Christian States Hockey League).
      • The following CSA cities will join the six cities above to form the CHSL: Jacksonville, Atlanta, Little Rock, Memphis, Houston, Omaha, Kansas City, Louisville, Greenville (SC) and Indianapolis
      • The replacement cities of the six eliminated NHL teams will be Seattle, Milwaukee, Hartford, Baltimore, Portland (OR) and Manchester (NH)

Lashing/Public Flogging Policies Edit

Please Note: We do NOT support acts of violence. This is purely satire.

  • Public Flogging can be administered by public officials, pastors, deacons, priests, police officers, judges and professors.
    • Tools used for flogging can be belts, canes, plastic tubes, baseball bats, golf clubs or boards.
    • Public Lashings take place on Saturdays and Sundays, usually either right outside a church or during the church service.
    • Citizens (male and female) become eligible for public flogging at Age 7.
    • The floggings may be administered on the buttocks, spine, face, head, neck or stomach area.
  • Public Flogging sanctions can be assessed for the following infractions (some flogging sanctions can be administered in "sections" or part private/part public:
    • Premarital Sex: Life in prison & 75,000 lashes.
    • Homosexuality: Life in prison & 75,000 lashes (to be administered in a time block of NO MORE than three months.)
    • Prayer violation (see mandatory 3x/day prayer requirement): 75 lashes per missed prayer.
    • Bible study violation (See Household Bible Study requirement): 100 lashes per missed Bible Study.
    • Belief of Global Warming or Climate Change: $15,000 fine & 1,750 lashes.
    • Missed Fine Arts Event/Christian Concert: $1,000 fine & 250 lashes.
    • Music Violation: $2,500 fine & 400 lashes.
    • Curfew Violation: One Night Jail Time, $2,500 fine, 250 lashes.
    • Alcohol Consumption: $25,000 fine & 100,000 lashes.
    • Possession of pornographic material: $100,000 fine, life in prison & 250,000 lashes
    • Voting for a non-Conservative candidate in an election: $15,000 fine & 2,000 lashes.
    • Female out in public w/o husband: 1,500 lashes.
    • Dress Code Violation (Male): $1,000 fine & 500 lashes
    • Dress Code Violation (Female): $1,250 fine & 750 lashes
    • Movie Violation: $2,500 fine & 500 lashes.
    • Woman using birth control: $50,000 fine, life in prison & 75,000 lashes.
    • Acceptance of Homosexuality: $25,000 fine & 15,000 lashes.
    • Witchcraft: 12,500 lashes (to be administered in a time block of NO MORE than three days) followed by beheading (Death Sentence).
    • Working at an unapproved job (applies to females only): $5,000 fine & 5,000 lashes.
    • Opposition of the CSA President: $17,500 fine, 12,500 lashes and 750 hours of hard labor
    • Opposition of Westboro Baptist Church: $15,000 fine, 10,000 lashes and 500 hours of hard labor.
    • Unapproved date: $3,500 fine & 4,000-5,000 lashes (for each offending party)
      • Approved date with no chaperone: $2,500 fine & 3,500 lashes
    • Failure to stand for prayer at sporting events: $4,000 fine & 5,000 lashes.
    • Failure to respect the CSA National Anthem: Execution
    • Failing an "After-Church Quiz": 100 lashes
      • Bible Conference or Holiday Service Quiz Failing: 250 lashes
    • Facial hair (males) 1st Offense: Strict Warning
      • 2nd Offense: $100 fine
      • 3rd Offense: $250 fine & 50 lashes
      • 4th Offense: $500 fine & 100 lashes
        • Any further offenses will result in a $50 upcharge and extra 50 lashes per offense. For example, the 5th offense would be $550 and 150 lashes; and a 6th offense would be $600 and 200 lashes.
    • Failure to attend the Thanksgiving Turkey Bowl at zoned-church: $5,000 fine and 10,000 lashes.
    • Failure to attend Thanksgiving Dinner at respective church: $10,000 fine and 20,000 lashes.
    • Failure to attend Graduation ceremonies at zoned-church: $2,500 and 1,000 lashes.

Executions Edit

  • Executions are the designated punishment for heinous crimes such as witchcraft, murder and refusing to stand for the National Anthem.
  • Most of the time, those who are to be executed will first receive floggings.
  • There are several different types of execution in the CSA:
    • Beheading: This is the most common type of execution. It involves a device similar to the Guillotine.
    • Drowning: The criminal is handcuffed and thrown into a deep lake, drowning to death. This type of execution is mostly used as punishment for National Anthem protestors.
    • Lethal Injection: Poisonous material is injected into the criminal's arm.
    • Stoning: The criminal is handcuffed to a wall while people throw rocks and stones at them.

Christian S.W.A.T. (CSWAT) Edit

CSWAT (Christian Special Weapons and Tactics) is a police force patrolling cities and towns throughout the CSA on a 24/7 basis. Their main duty is to make sure all citizens attend all church services (and to arrest those who don't), and to keep Rock music extinct. The President of the CSWAT is Steve Petit.

Homes are raided at random by CSWAT officers to check for contraband such as Rock Music and porn, as well as to check Bible Lesson Packets.

MilitaryEdit

With the ratification of the CSA Constitution, the CSA officially established the Christian States Armed Forces:

  • Christian States Army
  • Christian States Air Force
  • Christian States Navy
  • Christian States Marine Corps


The Christian Republican Army currently stands at around 240,000 soldiers.

The Christian Republican National Guard serves as the reserve for the armed forces and stands at around 1.9 million men. Women are not allowed to join the military.

EconomyEdit

The CSA economy is a free-market economy based mostly small business, agriculture, and manufacturing. Citizens are not subject to taxes. "Tax dollars" are made through monetary fines (listed above).

Currency Edit

Currency in the CSA consists of coins and paper dollars.

Coins Edit

The CSA Mint does not print 50-Cent Coins or Dollar Coins.

The following coins shall be minted in Pensacola:

  • 1-Cent Coin (Penny)
    • Obverse: President Arlin Horton/God Hates Fags motto
    • Reverse: Pensacola Christian College Performing Arts Center
  • 5-Cent Coin (Nickel)
    • Obverse: Pastor Steven Anderson/God Hates Fags motto
    • Reverse: Faithful Word Baptist Church Entrance
  • 10-Cent Coin (Dime)
    • Obverse: Pat Robertson/God Hates Fags motto
    • Reverse: Regents University chapel (exterior)
  • 25-Cent Coin (Quarter)
    • Obverse: Shirley Phelps-Roper/God Hates Fags motto
    • Reverse: Westboro Baptist Church front (exterior)

CSA Dollar Bills Edit

The following dollar bills (all numbers divisible into 100 are represented) shall be printed in Pensacola:

(*) The United States of America does not use a 4-Dollar Bill or a 25-dollar Bill.

  • 1-Dollar Bill
    • Obverse: Fred Phelps/God Hates Fags motto
    • Reverse: Fred Phelps Memoradium
  • 2-Dollar Bill
    • Obverse: Jerry Falwell Sr./God Hates Fags motto
    • Reverse: Jerry Falwell Sr. Memoradium
  • 4-Dollar Bill (*)
    • Obverse: James Dobson/God Hates Fags motto
    • Reverse: Focus on the Family headquarters
  • 5-Dollar Bill
    • Obverse: Arlin Horton/God Hates Fags motto
    • Reverse: Pensacola Christian College: Abeka Building
  • 10-Dollar Bill
    • Obverse: Michael Pearl/God Hates Fags motto
    • Reverse: Michael Pearl and his wife (Debi) using a baseball bat to beat up a "disobedient child".
  • 20-Dollar Bill
    • Obverse: "Brother Micah" Armstrong/God Hates Fags motto
    • Reverse: "Brother Micah" street-preaching at Florida Atlantic University
  • 25-Dollar Bill (*)
    • Obverse: Joel Osteen/God Hates Fags motto
    • Reverse: Lakewood Church building (Houston, TX)
  • 50-Dollar Bill
    • Obverse: Troy Shoemaker/God Hates Fags motto
    • Reverse: Pensacola Christian College administrative building
  • 100-Dollar Bill
    • Obverse: 2021 CSA Presidential Cabinet/God Hates Fags motto
    • Reverse: CSA Capitol Building (located on the Pensacola Christian College Campus)

Fate of the United States of AmericaEdit

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The Democratic voters in the remaining United States of America were glad to be rid of the "Red States". Even most of the Republican voters were glad to not be living in the Christian States of America. Washington D.C. remains the capital, while New York City remains the largest city. The Congressional Districts in the United States were re-evaluated to make the sum of 535 electoral votes once again. The United States population was estimated to be at 210,871,000 in 2021 including all territories. CSA President Arlin Horton originally planned for South Dakota, Wyoming, Utah and Arizona to also be part of the newly-formed country, but newly elected USA president Elizabeth Warren rejected this offer, mostly due to border conflicts.

See Also Edit

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